More of my family

I love my family and their weirdness!!!! :D aha



My family is so odd..... But i love it :D

New Hair :]

I recently got my hair cut. And I really like it. Though i think the back could be a little shorter. This little girl came into my work the other day and she had the hair cut that i want hahahaha

Time

Hello! My name is Jessica. I Guess i will start this out with a little story. I have always been a stubborn child. And I always have wanted to do things my way :] Which made things harder but made me who i am. The year of 2008 was the biggest year of my life (so far) In december of 2007 I found out that i was pregnant. Honestly at this point i can say that i was really upset. At that time i was dating a boy named Brandon. So i decided to let him know what new thing i had found out i guess you can say haha. At first we thought about ways to make this whole "Dilema" not happen. But Did not succeed at that. My little sister whom i had confided in the day i found out had spilled the beans to my mom who then sat me down and flat out asked me if i was pregnant. Which of course the first thing that popped into my head was to say "no" And after her repeating the question multiple times and me giving her the same answer i decided i couldn't lie anymore. I told her the truth and her brandon and i all sat down and disscussed our options. Abortion. Adoption and parenting. At that point i had no feelings whatsoever for this little thing inside of me. I didn't care at all. Though i still voted against abortion. I will admit it crossed my mind a few times. But i would have never chosen that. So we worked towards adoption. I can not fully explain or write out how the process of adoption plays out or is supposed to go. I can not explain the thoughts and feelings that go along with it. There are so many feelings that intrude or accidentally are stumbled upon. But many of the feelings are there for a reason. Trying to explain my adoption story is like trying to explain why blue is blue or why green is green. My councelor told me that to be able to go through with the adoption in the end you have to love the baby. I didn't believe him. I thought it would be better to not care, to not feel anything and just do. Which actually made the process harder and slower and not having any feelings made things unsure. For a good few months (7 or so) I didn't love, care, or understand the situation, the things that were happening, the people around me, i didn't understand my feelings or my thoughts. I didn't even know my thoughts or feelings. I didn't love or even care about my baby. For 7 whole months it didn't even seem real. I procrastinated and ignored the fact that i should pick a family for my baby. I knew it was important but i couldn't understand why i had no drive to get me to do it. I just didn't feel love. Around 7 1/2 - 8 months i developed feelings. I could feel her moving around and developing little person traits. And i guess i could say now that i felt companionship or something. Like i wasn't alone anymore. (though i had so much support, teens never realise that till its to late or just late.) I decided to meet with a family and see how that went. And see what it was like. I had a few different options but didn't like any of them. I was afraid that i would never like anyone. Through out my whole pregnancy i jumped back and forth between what i wanted to do. Parenting or adoption. And i realise now that most of it had to do with my boyfriend brandon. He wanted to parent though i knew adoption was right. But even though i knew adoption was right i still jumped back and forth. Maybe because My boyfriend and i bumped heads a lot with the way we wanted things to go. And my mood shifted a lot. And his parents were difficult. Parents affect the situation a whole lot. More than they realise. Plus with my rapid mood swings i was unstable too. I cant even imagine hahahahahahahaha Anyways I met with a family and decided that they were the right family. A few days later we found out that this family was keeping some information from us about medical issues and I felt uncomfortable with that family and chose to unchoose them or whatever. Sad but what a relief. I had look at a couple before and didn't really think much about them. So i passed them on. At this point it was a week before i was to be induced and i felt rushed but i also felt determined to find someone i felt comfortable with. Hahahaha leave it to me to be late to something important. Runs in the family. So i kept getting this thought to meet with this family that i didn't really look at. But i kept pushing that thought to the back of my mind. This thought kept creeping back up and i finally gave in. I met with this nice young couple Jamie and Britton. After talking with them for an hour or so i felt like they were normal and laidback and really cute. So i talked with brandon about it and we decided to e-mail them and let them know that we picked them. Let me remind you at this point it was the day i was going in to be induced. Wow i know. But we found the right one :] Things are wonderful and Braelyn (baby :]) is really healthy and happy.... oh and very loved :]I now know what it feels like to love someone more than anything and i know what it is like to give someone something that they have wanted for so long. I love Jamie and Britton and they are wonderful parents and will do a great job. I can feel it :] I know what i want with my life and i know the type of person i want to be. One of the hardest things to deal with due to my whole adoption thing is growing up so fast. Being seventeen is one of the hardest things to do. Nearly impossible. I had to grow up and make such adult decissions that i missed a huge chunk of my life. My fault but still. I will admit that a lot of good has come from it too though. Which would be the things i listed before the negatives :]











Arizona.
My family at christmas :] I miss them.


Old mans cave West Virginia.
My oldest baby mini AKA: MeeMee, Mini Moto, Fat girl, and Purr Purr kitty
My babiest kitty Rain :)
Time has gone by so fast within the last year or so. I have moved from Arizona to West Virginia. And i now have a job as a sales girl at The Shoe Department in the Mall out here. I just started a few days ago and I am catching on pretty fast.

My sister and I.